Chances are, your friends are probably guilty of one or two things on this list of friendship don’ts because no friend is perfect. But if you find that your “friend” is guilty of doing an uncomfortable amount of items on this list, chances are they’re the Regina George to your Cady Heron.
1. They never want to hang out. Your friend should want to hang out with you. If getting them to spend time with you feels like pulling teeth, chances are they don’t appreciate your company as much as you appreciate theirs. Yes, sometimes people are just busy, but if someone’s really your friend, they’ll find time for you.
2. They only want to hang when it’s convenient for them.There are some friends who don’t mind hanging out … as long as you’ll come to them every time. Or if your friend only wants to hang out when they need a wingman for a group movie date or someone to run errands with them, the friendship is probably pretty one-sided, and your friend may not value you as much as you deserve.
3. Or they only reach out when they want something. There are some people who make the plans and some people who let others make plans, true. But if you notice that your friend is constantly turning down invitations to hang and then only reaches out when they happen to need a ride or want to use your new curling iron, then they’re probably using you.
4. They only talk about themselves.
If you find that you’re constantly listening to your friend talk about their problems, offering them advice, and consoling them, but never get the same effort in return, it’s a sign your friend doesn’t have your best interests at heart or they’re just really self-centered. Both are signs they might not be the best friend.
5. They never share anything with you. The opposite is also true. If you find yourself constantly opening up to your friend and sharing your deepest secrets with them, but they never return the favor, they may not consider you a close enough friend to trust you. Sure, some people find it harder to open up than others, but if your life is an open book and their life is kept under lock and key, then things are seriously one-sided and that’s not what true friendships are about.
6. They constantly dish your secrets in front of other people.
It’s understandable to slip up and accidentally reveal a secret every once in awhile when you and your friend run in the same circles, but if your friend is constantly apologizing for “accidentally” revealing a secret that you asked them to keep between you, they’re probably not the most trustworthy friend. Either they like gossiping, or they just have a blabbermouth and your secrets probably aren’t safe with them.
7. They talk badly about everyone to you. If your main line of conversation with a friend usually consists of them gossiping and talking smack about other people, chances are they gossip and talk smack about you to other people too.
8. They judge you. It’s one thing for your friend to be honest and offer you constructive criticism (like when she tells you it’s probably not a good idea to get close to that guy you’re crushing on who has a girlfriend, even if he is giving you mixed signals). But if you’re scared to talk to your friend about certain things because they’re constantly judging you and making you feel bad about your choices, they probably aren’t the best friend.
9. They’re constantly demeaning you in front of your other friends. If they’re constantly insulting you (“Oh, why did you wear that?”) or cutting you off (“OK, shhhhh.”) in front of other people, it’s rude and inconsiderate. You don’t need that negativity in your life. Friends should lift you up and make you feel better, not put you down and make you feel small.
10. They’re embarrassed of you. Does your friend tell you not to talk about your obsession with One Direction or to stop doing that weird little dance you like to do because it’s dorky? If they can’t deal with you and the little quirks that make you you, then that’s a sign you should cut them off. True friends will love you for you and never be ashamed for people to know you’re their bestie.
11. They’re never happy for you.
Your besties should be your biggest fans. So if you feel like your friend never has anything nice to say when you achieve something, or worse, they try to one up you instead of congratulating you, it’s a sign they see you as competition, not a friend. Sure, sometimes you and your friend will like the same guy or go out for the same part in the play, and things might get a little competitive and awkward between you, but your friendship shouldn’t feel like a constant competition
12. They make fun of you all. The. Time. Friends are supposed to be able to tease each other, but if you feel like your friend takes things way too far, way too often, you’re probably not overthinking things. Tell them how they make you feel, and if they brush your concerns off, it’s a sign they’re not considerate of your feelings.