The 13 Stages of a Snow Day

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Snow, snow, go away — come again another day. 

Remember being a kid and jumping for joy when there was a snow day? As adults, snow days can be cozy and a much-needed break, but our kids are always itching for something to do and wanting to know what’s next to do. Seems the coveted iPad is no longer so alluring. THEY’RE BORED.

Here’s a list of the stages I’ve gone through, you’ve gone though — we’ve all gone through — on a snow day.

Oh, oh, and yes, you’re not the only one missing a mitten and dealing with a crying kid in overstuffed snow clothes. Unable to find one of 77 chapsticks in your home? Me too! Out of hot cocoa mix even though you just stocked up on the essentials? Samesies.

Deep breath. We’ll get through this. (Wine helps.)

Stage 1: Denial

The news is wrong. The kids have school in the morning. You proceed to pack lunches.

Stage 2: Reality

The robo call wakes the house up at 6 AM. There’s no school. Your kids jump up and down on your bed, declaring there’s a blizzard outside. Great, go back to bed. Fat chance. Time to make pancakes and begin a cartoon marathon.

Stage 3: Playtime

Your kids want to play in the snow without a hat on at 8 AM. You think of 20 things your child has to do before he’s allowed to play outside. He surprisingly completes his chores in 30 minutes flat and helps his sister put her boots on. REALLY?!

Stage 4: Meltdown

Your kid has a massive meltdown because you only have organic, peeled baby carrots and not a farm fresh long one for the snowman’s nose. You suggest a peace offering: your Tory Burch hat for the Snowman’s head. No dice.

Stage 5: Timeout

You call (read: SCREAM) a timeout. Frozen noses and toes defrost under warm blankets and a two-hour Pixar movie. Is it time for wine yet? It’s only noon.

Stage 6: Lunch

Hunger strikes. You make grilled cheese dippers, tomato soup, and rainbow fruit kabobs, but they look better on Pinterest. Your kids want chicken nuggets and raisins.

Stage 7: Boredom

Your child is bored with LEGOs, baking, coloring, pillow forts, TV, and even video games. He wants you to create a scavenger hunt. Yeah, definitely time for wine.

Stage 8: Peace and quiet

The scavenger hunt proves to be your best friend. You hid the clues so well — like in the toilet tank in a plastic bag — your kids are busy for over an hour. Yezzzzzzz. You watch Ellen in peace. #winning

Stage 9: Dinnertime

Darn it. The roads are closed so you can’t order pizza. Alas, dinner shuts everyone up. Mac ‘n’ cheese, pigs in a blanket, and pizza bagels prove to be the best provisions you bought. Now it’s time to let the kids ice and decorate the cookies you baked before. But a sugar high kicks in. Darn it.

Stage 10: Bribery

It’s nowhere near bedtime. You bundle the kids up and bribe them with money to shovel the driveway. You watch from the window, snuggled on the couch with a goblet of red wine.

Stage 11: Snowball fight

Get in the game. Meh, the wine kicked in. You surprise your kids with a snowball fight. They pound you hard, but it’s really fun. Since you’re on the ground, you have a snow angel contest. The contest ends in tears because your daughter won (she’s 4) and your son came in second (he’s 12). REALLY! SHE’S 4!

Stage 12: Panic

While the kids bathe you check the weather on your smart phone. Oh gee, another storm is coming. Denial sinks in again only to be popped like a balloon, by another robo call — this one at night. School is closed tomorrow.

Stage 13: Bedtime — finally

You realize your kids won’t be little ones forever, pop some popcorn, and make it a board game night. But now the kids are fighting over the 4-year-old cheating — SHE’S FOUR. So everyone goes to bed. In your bed.

Christine Coppa

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